Whine, congratulations and an update!

Have been feeling a little... down over the last couple of days. Not sure if it was the whole Valentine's day thing or not, but feeling a little overwhelmed! [/end whine]

Anyways, the trip has FINALLY been paid for in full, just waiting for the final invoice and itinerary. These will more than likely come with the tickets for the Rail component, but now I can relax a little. All that remains (really) is where and what attractions will be had! I would have loved for mum to go on the London Eye, but she has an aversion to heights, but I hope she can summons up the courage for the Eiffel Tower!

The Itinerary, 42 days, is as follows:

• Manchester, Liverpool, York, Bath, Windsor and London.
• Paris and Angers
• Venice, Florence, Pisa and Venice
• Naples Capri Italy, Piraeus (Athens) Rhodes Greece, Kuasadsi (Ephesus) Turkey, Alexandria (Cairo) Egypt, Messina (Sicily) Italy and back to Civitavecchia (Rome)
• Dubai

I can't wait to get onto the plane (44 days from now, but I am not counting (MUM is though)) but to get some great photos as well!

My journey to a healthier lifestyle is going well, as I mentioned, I have lost 2kg and 20cm overall on my body measurements. Yesterday, I started a boxing session with the trainer and felt OK after it! My eating is going ok, even good, and I have started to eat some vegetables including Broccoli! I am currently going twice a week, and from NEXT week, I will be throwing in a class as well on the Wednesday! I am still walking of a morning, and cycling of an afternoon (when it's not TO hot) and I go for a walk in my lunch time.

------

34 Left, clear for takeoff!

New Years Day was a day where I spent it (the morning) with L's mum and dad... I met them at the local St Vincents (which was open for a 50% off sale; even the charities have sales!) and then we headed to the cemetery. We then headed over to their place where we planted the new tree they got as a Christmas gift from the kids! It is a red Maple and two Gardenias!

Then this morning, I was awake early for some reason I still don't know why, so I jumped in the car and headed to Sydney Airport for a bit of 'Spotting' of the arrivals and departures! By mid morning, it was something like 100% humidity and storms were about to roll across, so I headed home to do the lawns. Here is a short montage of the day...

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

And JUST in case the slideshow above still does NOT want to play here is another form of it!

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

------

Happy Wedding Anniversary my love...

Well, for our wedding anniversary, what is there to do? I feel kinda lost... I feel kinda lonely... I feel kinda ripped off not to be sharing the day with you... We had a lot of good time along the way...

We were married for 3040 days, 13 hours, 45 minutes and 0 secs approximately (or 8 years, 3 months, 28 days, 13 hours and 45 minutes)!*

So What am I to do? Apart from seeing the Psychologist in the afternoon for Christmas drinks, I am going to be thinking of you, rejoicing the years we had and will be happy for the fun times instead of think of what could have been, or SHOULD have been!!

So, to all my friends and family, I would like to share with you some of the photo's out of OUR Wedding Album, which I have scanned, so sorry about the quality...

Wedding Mosiac, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.1. 1. Petchell Family Pre wedding, 2. 2. Monte Chapel Outside, 3. 3. Wedding Ceremony, 4. 4. Monte Chapel, 5. 5. Wedding Couple Fr Lex, 6. 6. Congregation, 7. 13. Couple, 8. 7. Petchell Family, 9. 8. Proctor Family, 10. 9. Bridal Party, 11. 10. Lou n Bern, 12. 11. Lou n Bern, 13. 12. Lou n Bern, 14. 16. Wedding Couple Warf, 15. 15. Wedding Couple Looking, 16. 14. Wedding Couple, 17. 17. Wedding Cake, 18. 18. Bridal Louise

------ * thetimeanddate.com

A life celebrated...

Long post, sorry!

Plaque, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Yesterday, L's birthday, was a wonderful day... I tried so hard to make it a tribute! It was a lovely day weather wise, she must have been playing a part in that I suspect!

After L's parents arrived, we headed West to collect my mum before heading to PCC. The staff, senior management and Councillors were all there, as with a lot of staff and work colleagues and friends. Camille (with Riley and Jamie), Alex and Olivia were also there. The formalities commenced with the General Manager giving a brief introduction and before the Mayor making his address. He outlined L's career at PCC, and how she was so highly regarded across Council, NSW and Australia, not to mention her International contacts!

Next up, one of the Councillors also made an address, she also did a Eulogy and address Council for the Mayoral Minute, before Michale, Julie and I planted the tree.

Tree Planting, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

After it was in the hole, and aligned of course, the plaque was unveiled by the GM and I was invited to make an address where I thanked Council for not only supporting L through her career, but also myself and her family. I also thanked them for doing this memorial as well.

Plaque and Stone, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Me Tree Planting, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

PCC Crowd Tree Planting, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

After me, Michael also made an address, where he read a poem, and how it related to his eldest daughter... Towards the end, he was starting to get quite upset, and I just wanted to go up to him and support him. But I also did not want to make it any harder than it already is for him and Julie. He did such a good job! I am so proud of him!

Michael Tree Planting, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

We then headed up to a luncheon of sandwich's, wrapps and refreshments! There was also a slide show of photos that PCC had of L, but, at nearly 50mb, it is way to large to post! If I can reduce it down, I will do so, so stay tuned!

We then headed home, for another bite to eat, before Michael (who was a little unwell and tight chested) had a nap. My two mums and I had a walk around the garden and a cuppa tea, before Michael awoke (another cuppa tea) and we headed to the local club for a Smorgasbord Dinner where Camille (Paddy, Riley & Jamie), Alex (Sam, Max & Will) & Olivia (Rosie & Jack) all came along. Such a good dinner, but we headed home for the birthday cake and coffee! Do you like the cake???

Lous Cake, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Lous Cake, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

So, L, I and your family wish you a Happy Birthday...

------

Happy Birthday Lou...

Happy Birthday Lou...

Louise, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Nothing more to say really...

------

Another part gone...

Today, we said another farewell to some more of L... I donated her more formal clothes (work and evening) to an organisation called 'Suited for work. We, her parents and I, last week went through all of it and sorted it all into piles of shirts, skirts, pants and dresses. They were in the second bedroom. All of the boxes of shoes were also sorted into groups as well! I was going to take a photo of it all, but alas, I forgot... Sorry! (picture is linked to their website IF you want to have a look at them...)

Suited For Work, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

So today, they came and collected what they wanted (which was most of it). Now, whilst it says 'Women helping other women build self esteem and gain Independence', I feel honoured that she is still making a difference by her clothes helping the cause. More so, as her work has also done a clothing drive, as she had talked about this program at work, so I now feel more confident, that I have done the right thing...

After that, we (L's parents and I) went up to the Hills district to look for the tree for the front yard to remember L. It was awfully hot, the cars thermometer at one point said it was 44c, so we called it a day and came home for lunch. Storms are now rolling through and it is a little cooler, but humidity has gone through the roof!! ------

Trying to stay ... OK!

Sunday, after doing the Schnitzel Challenge the night before, I was feeling a little so so (mentally, NOT sick or anything... just a bit flat), so I decided to go for a drive. I ended up heading up to the Nth Beaches and I found myself at Mona Vale. Not for any reason at all, it is just where I ended up stopping!

After sitting on the beach, pondering (not to mention getting wet as it was showering a little) I then headed for my other little spot and did a bit of 'spotting' at the airport. It is a well know little spot for spotting, but it is quite 'hidden' within the two parallel runways of Sydney Airport. I had been there for about 30-45mins, when this little black 4wd turned the corner, and OMG, it was friends of mine, D&A, with little B! They had been on a little adventure and low and behold, they found me!! This is not the first time this has happened either, when a few months ago, LH and her family had also driven there to pick-up another family member! Also, a couple of weeks back, D A were at at Hungry Jacks for a breakfast, and another mutual friend also happened to be there... WHAT ARE THE CHANCES???!!! lol

Anyway, Monday found us sorting through Lou's clothes and to try and find some missing bits of jewellery. It was a tough day, for both the MIL & FIL, and I tried so hard to keep it together. We went to the club for lunch and had the Buffet, which was really nice. It sort of picked us up a little. We went back past the townhouse where the Jacarandas were in full bloom, and even the White ones, before heading for home. We found almost all of the jewellery (Bolder Opal earring's yet to find) and I said farewell to M&J. Here is where it got tough, REAL tough. I ended up walking through the house, seeing all of her precious things out on display, and all of her work clothes, in piles (shirts, skirts, suits and dresses) and I fell into a blubbering mess. I was this way for about 30 mins, before pulling myself together as I had to meet up with a friend who had just had her first baby, a little girl, but my feelings of 'lost' and 'loneliness' came flooding back when I got back from the hospital... I went to see my GP today, and we have changed a few things, and set up some strategies to cope with it all. It is all a matter of all of the legal stuff, the sorting of stuff and her due day coming up, but I am trying (hard) to stay OK!

------

Struggling against the loneliness & depression...

Mood: Depressed/Lonely

Listening to (iPod): War of the Worlds

Today, Father's Day, was a really tough day for me... Don't get me wrong, please, it was a great day over at 'the next sister down', but it was the realisation of how things SHOULD have been...

Everything was going 'according to plan' for us, we had a great house, our dream house, that was slowly getting fixed up, finance's were/are in order and L was pregnant, twins even! Days like this, and many others (Mothers Day, Christmas, birthdays etc) were meant to be fun, family days. Where as today I found myself fighting all sorts of emotions of wanting to cry, scream jump up and down and a whole number of others as well... There was also times of laughter as well, but for the most part of the day, I was fighting anger as well. Certainly not at ANY of the family members I so dearly love, but for the circumstances that I am now in. And it was great catching up again with all of the kids and babies, they are just growing so quickly!

So when I left, I found myself driving, thinking, and before long I was at the Cemetery where they had laid fresh rolls of turf over L's grave. All I wanted to do was to race home, grab whats left of my 'Shirlys No. 17' fertiliser, and sprinkle it over and water it in. But, when I got home, I found myself regressing even further, so I jumped into bed and curled up and simply stared off into nothing... I am beginning think where I would be better off.

I am not really wanting to go to work, who have been and continue to be FANTASTIC in supporting me, I simply have lost the 'drive' to go. But I fight with myself every day to go all the same. Whilst I was away at the conference, I came to the realisation I was ready, and I WAS. But this last week of with chronic hayfever (which is now moving onto a chest infection with a very heavy cough that feels like Jasmine the cat is sitting on my chest) I was finding myself slipping slowly deeper into depression. I spent most days in bed, washing has piled up, dish's need to be washed (not that I have eaten much) but at least they are in the dishwasher.

I am in the final process of organising a trip to Doha, and I will be leaving next Sunday. I am still in a lot of ways, very confused about this, will I or wont I, as I am struggling with the notion of 'leaving' or 'abandoning' L. Whilst I know that she is and always will be with me, I just can't get past this step. I often wonder, is this a normal thing with grief and depression, and if so, does it last long?? I am also wondering if, is it all I need to just leave? I can take Leave Without Pay for a while, and simply do nothing, or is doing nothing not healthy for the mind? I simply do not know what to do anymore...

------

I had a great day...You?

Well, I had SUCH a great day today, and it all started on Wednesday night... Every week, I get an email from an Auction House with the Friday's Auction catalogue that LP was registered with. I had actually tried to 'unsubscribe' but in doing so, I guess that they did not want me to leave and I was then getting TWO emails! This week. there was a few of LP's favourite artists, so I thought well, I will go in and have a look, and ask them to take her email address OFF the database. So I went upstairs t the art collection were, and there was more than a few of her artists there! I took note of there catalogue numbers, and went downstairs to unsubscribe...

In the end, as it was starting when I was at work, I registered my lots, at off I went. !0.15, and my first lot... Rising... Rising... Ok, I'm in, against, more, against (one more) 1st... 2nd... 3rd and final call... I had won!

Design_for_a_Fan, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

This will need to have a little bit of restoration work and clean, but I think it will be a lovely addition to the collection of works we have. It is also the first piece of this particular artist, so I am happy to have it!

11.10, and my phone is ringing again, it's the auction house again saying that my next lot is a couple away. However, the news here is not good, as it's opening bid was already more than I was willing to go for! My last two lots and again the phone was ringing (and I am now getting very use to doing this)... One lot to go ahead of me, and a new auctioneer, and bang, its now my turn!

As the opening bid is getting lower and lower, we're off... up, up, up (I don't know why they didn't just start here in the first place) and I am in on about the 5th bid, two $50 bids later and the close of the hammer, "its yours, congratulations" the kind lass said.

In_a_Hurry, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Your next lot is up, its a very large one, you know that right?" she asks somewhat confused... Starting price, whilst a little higher than I had thought, but it had suddenly stopped... And I had not even placed a bid! 1st... 2nd... 3rd and Final calllllll.... Hang on, I want this, so I placed my bid and with the other bidder done, I had just won my third (and last) lot of the day!

Lost_and_Found, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Now here's the funny/strange thing... ALL three of the titles of these paintings, have a meaning to mean at the moment. AND, whats more, I only thought of it when I was talking to Dackle Princess on Skype! The first, "Design for a Fan" to me is that I am becoming a "FAN" of these Auctions lately, both these pieces and the fact that the pram we purchased sold this morning on eBay, so in essence, this piece was paid for! The second, "In a Hurry" is the fact that I am somewhat of an impatient person, and I want things to happen much faster than they are going. LP didn't think I had this trait, and thought I was somewhat of a 'laid-back' nature though! Third, and no means last, "Lost and Found" signifies that I am still somewhat 'Lost', and I am trying to 'Find' reasons to the cause...

So they are all very special pieces to me and I am very happy to have them. So yes, I have had a great day, what about you?

------

Plaque and photo...

Headstone, Plaque & Photo, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Today, I had a call from the cemetery, to say that the plaque & photo were installed. I was so happy when I got to see them there, more than a tear came to my eye... One of sadness, but in so many way, I am proud to see just how she is going to be remembered. I think we have done a good job with it, and I hope that she likes what we have done as well...

This is my first time uploading AND sharing a video, I hope it works... It was taken with my Nokia 6110 Navigator Mobile Phone.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

------

Still remembering...

I went to the cemetery today, to place some flowers, sit and ponder, remember even, but I thought I would share with you some photo's I took. At first, I thought I was 'strange' doing this, but from the perspective that some of you are no where near here, I thought, I am not being so strange after all... It really is SUCH a nicely landscaped area!

When I got there, there was a flock of Galah's searching through the turf, trying to find some seeds or something to eat:

Visiting Lou, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Visiting Lou, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

This is the view across the little roadway to the lawn area:

Visiting Lou, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

And then from where she is:

Visiting Lou, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Now, here she is... The headstone was put up the day I arrived home from England in May and the plaque (and a photo) will be there in about 6-7 weeks:

Visiting Lou, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Here is the seat that I sit on, as it is close, I can she her, I can rest, look, think and ponder about things...

Visiting Lou, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

On my way out, I went past a couple of other really nice areas, the Mum 'n' Bub Lawn and the River Gum Reserve, both as nice as each other...

Visiting Lou, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Visiting Lou, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Looking forward to a nicer day tomorrow, a better nights sleep, and hopefully, the weather plays nice and does NOT rain!

------

Remembering a life lost to soon...

Today, mark's 3 months when my world came crashing down...

3 month's ago, I lost my love, my partner my life. But in the 3 months since, I have had to come to terms with so many emotions I never thought I would have to until I was old and grey...

But, in remembering the good things in life, and putting these down on paper... well, will a blog do?, I will remember for a long time to come.

When looking through the photo's I have, I came across this one that was taken on a trip Nth, to Brisbane, to look after the nephews for a couple of weeks. It was only now, that I see WHY this is so important... The number 15 that M is holding, it is the day that it all came crashing down in April...

Louise, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

Here we remember our first trip to New Zealand, in the cable car (gondola) to the top of Rotorua. This was such a great trip, as it really was our first REAL holiday. Not a trip that was combined with a conference or a meeting of some sort for either one of us.

Louise, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

And lastly, remembering some of the things the was enjoyable... Macc still misses his momma. He knew his place in the pack; there was me at the top, and then him and it was up to him to protect his momma. He did this on a couple of occasions as well!

Louise, originally uploaded by AussiePomm.

It is now just over a week until I head off, overseas again, and this trip has been 4 years in the making. I am really looking forward to it, the conference, and I have added in a few extra destinations as well. After Chile, I am then off to Spain for a couple of days, the UK for about a week (and maybe a trip across the pond to Paris) before heading back to the real world called home. I can't wait to tell you of my travels.

------