Below, is the presentation I made today at the 'Gift of Sight' Memorial Service for the Eye Bank, after donating L's eyes after she died...
L C P - BA, Grad. Dip. Ed (Geog), M Environmental Management & M.B.A. (Env Mgt)
(11-12-1969 – 15-04-2009)
L C P was the eldest daughter to M & J. She was the eldest sister to C & P, A and S and O and Iand aunty to their children. L was to become a pseudo mother to Macc the Greyhound and Jasmine, our feral cat at home. She was also my wife and confidant…
L came into my life in 1996, where we met through a friend, and soon became not only good friends, we became soul mates. She was a kind-hearted person and had all the time in the world for her family and friends.
L was educated, passionate towards the environment and sustainability. She studied at the University of NSW in a Master of Environmental Management and later at the University of Southern Queensland completing her MBA with a major in the Environment. She was also passionate towards Local Sustainability in her role as Manager Sustainability at P Council. She had, on behalf of Council, been recognised locally, within Australia and Internationally for her work, and had won the NSW Local Government & Shires Association - Excellence in Environment Awards in 2003, which saw her attend the Aalborg +10 Sustainability Conference in Denmark. The NSW LGSA have since established the award for Individual Excellence in Sustainability Award! Council has also established an annual staff scholarship award for further education in sustainability.
By default in my own studies, I soon entered the field of sustainability, and we would often trade phone calls and emails about various subjects through the day for work.
It is often said in the area of sustainability, to “Reduce, Reuse and Recycle”, and this became very aware to me on that fateful night of 15 April 2009…
But first, I would like to take you on a journey, our journey, that ultimately resulted in us all being here together today… We’ve all lost someone we loved, and we’ve all either donated tissue to another person in order for them to regain sight, to improve sight or to reduce pain, OR you have received that tissue, and are here today able to see thanks to that donation.
In 2004, we started IVF treatment in order to become parents. I am already a father from a previous marriage, but L failed to fall pregnant. She started hormone treatments, FSH (Follicle Stimulation Hormone) and finally two rounds of egg collection, the first resulting in 16 and the second with 14 follicles or eggs.
She suffered the trauma of recurrent miscarriages, but true to her nature, she set adversity aside and we commenced the next treatment cycle. Naturally, yes she was devastated, and she tried hard to hide this, especially at work.
It was our last treatment cycle where L desired more than anything else, to become pregnant. She naturally wanted a ‘pigeon pair’ and we discussed the options available – either a single or a double fresh transfer. There is anecdotal evidence that fresh transfers are more successful over frozen transfers, so we decided to proceed with a double.
A few weeks later, she commented that she felt pregnant, nausea had returned stronger than ever, lethargy and so on, and in the wee hours of March 10th, my birthday and three days before a routine blood test, a double line appeared on the dipstick.
However, March 31st, she suffered a small bleed and the fear of a miscarriage again returned. I booked us in for the ultrasound scan the following day, April 1st. It was in this ultrasound, that our lives turned momentarily upside-down… As soon as the probe was inserted, I immediately noticed not one, but two heartbeats in two embryonic sacs. L had succeeded in being pregnant with the twins she wanted! At this stage, we had thought everything was against us, confirmation blood test Friday 13th and twins confirmed on Aprils fools: - what else could go wrong we thought!
Easter was celebrated with family, and at the Easter Show, being RAS members availed us to see a little section every day, as opposed trying to see it all in a single day. The nausea had escalated, as did the lethargy, but she remained strong. However, I did want her to ‘slow down’ as she was also complaining of shortness of breath… I remarked, almost ordered in fact, that the following day she take some rest, and I will take her to the GP for some time off work.
The following morning, I went and made L some vegemite on toast and a cup of tea and returned to bed whilst she, tried, to have some breakfast. Shortly after, she went to the bathroom, and whilst returning, she called saying that she felt faint… When I got to her, I was able to grab her arm and assist her as she collapsed in the hall… this was the last I recall of her voice as she, with the benefit of hindsight, struggled for breath…
Fast forward to later that evening, some 12 hours or so later, I was still very much in a state of shock, when I received a phone call. It was the Eye Bank requesting the donation of her eyes. Whilst this wasn’t really discussed between us, we were both far to young to die at this stage; I subconsciously knew what I had to do. I couldn’t make this call on my own, as I felt L was only ‘on loan’ to me, as she was Michael and Julies daughter. I called them to seek their thoughts, and if my memory is correct of that evening, I think I may have then called Lou’s siblings. We came to the conclusion that we will donate her eyes, as it is something that was fundamental to L’s being in her work of Sustainability. That is…To Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.
- TO REDUCING someone else’s pain of blurred vision or blindness…
- TO REUSE L’s eyes to restore someone’s vision…
- TO RECYCLE tissue to assist in another person ability to return to seeing and working and doing things they enjoy in life, I thought L would be happy.
Some weeks later I received a letter from the Eye Bank that in fact, two people, one 70 and the other 77, had received the donation of her eyes, and that they are now able to return to a life of vision thanks to our donation.
It was later, as a result of an autopsy, that I found out that L had died from a DVT that made its way to her lungs, a Pulmonary Thromboembolism, and whilst I would’ve liked to have donated more of her organs, it was not possible given the suddenness of her death.
The donation of organs, be it eyes or other internal organs, is a decision that must be made between families and then respected by those who have to make that decision when it is often the hardest time to make such a decision. The coordinators at the Lions Eye Bank are not only warm and compassionate group of individuals, but they are also some of the finest medical professionals within the industry. They not only know how to handle the delicate balance of one families grief, but also one families gratitude of finally being able to receive treatment. I would like to thank them for the professionalism and compassion they demonstrated on the day L died, but also last year for my first Memorial Service I attended and for inviting me to tell you my story.
Finally, I would like to also thank my wonderful friends whom have supported me this past year. To M and J, and to all of L’s family for their ongoing love and support, for without that, I would not be the person I am today. I love you all…
Thank you…
Afterwards, I had some of the ladies there approach me and we had a chat. One of them, was actually a recipient, and commented on how hard it must have been to prepare 'my story'... It was hard, but additionally, it was also comforting and a sense of 'closure' as well. We enjoyed a cuppa and some cakes, there was also scones with jam and cream. As it was a VERY hot day, I also had a cool OJ, and a plate of fruit before leaving...
